اهل اللغة ما رايكم بخطابي هذا للجامعات الامريكية

السلام عليكم ، اهل اللغة الانجليزية، هذا خطاب حصلته جاهز في الانترنت جزاه الله الف خير الي مسويه، ورحت عدلت عليه، خصوصا الفقرة الاخيرة كان التعديل مبرحاً وماني متأكد من القواعد هل صحيحة او لا اتمنى تصححون لي بارك الله فيكم

قبل القراءة اريد ان اقول(راح ادخل معهد انجليزي تابع لجامعة) هل هذه الترجمة صحيحة:

some English center which followed universities

Statement of Purpose
My name is aaaaaaaaaa. I am 27 years old and I was born, raised, and educated in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia. My personal interests cover hobbies like swimming, tennis table, reading. For that, I have always been involved in related extracurricular sporting activities involving contests and camping. I like to socialize with others and get to know people from other cultures to enrich my experience and improve my relationships with people around me.

My educational achievement in the intermediate and secondary school have always been approximately 80%. The subjects that usually attracted my attentive interest and rendered distinguished performance were Biology, English, Mathematics. Those subjects were not only interesting to me, but I had a great passion studying and enjoying them.

Currently, I finished my graduated from plant protection department, at king Saud university with GPA "2.53/4". I now look forward to pursue my master degree at your university in biotechnology.

Although, my credentials qualify me to pursue my education studies in Saudi Arabian universities, I still have a profound interest to pursue my studies in the US. That interest has always fueled my efforts to seek distinction and put every effort to turn my dreams into reality. The Saudi Ministry of Higher Education (MOHE) has provided me with a list of distinguished and recommended universities in the Biology field, among which was your university.

Since I received some help to write this statement of purpose, I have to indicate that my English is not good enough and I will need to attend some English center which followed universities to enhance my English, then I will get a TOEFL certificate. I hope that you can take that into consideration. In case of favorable decision on my file, I would appreciate a conditional admission for that reason.

after having a master degree my plans to complete my education to get PhD in America, then come back to my country to work at king Saud university which the best university in my country, and I wish I will be the first teacher in biotechnology department due to we don't have this major yet.

اللغة عندي مو مره توب ، لكن أخطائك كثيرة في الجملة الأخيرة

تعديلات بسيطة (تحتاج كذلك للتعديل)

After having a master degree, I have planning to complete my education to get PhD in America, then I'll come back to my country to work at King Saud University which is the best university in my country, and I wish to be the first specialist in biotechnology department because we haven't Saudi specialist at this major yet.

* اللون الأحمر من تعديلي

الله يبارك فيك يا اخ عبادي

فيه هذا المنتدى باللغة الإنجليزية ممتاز جرب و ضع خطابك و شف تعليقاتهم
Term Paper Writing, Essay Editing, and Research Help

السلام عليكم اخوي بدل ما تكتب i now الافضل تكتب Now i
انا مو مبتعثه بس English literature student
Best of luck